Showing posts with label dialogue. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dialogue. Show all posts

Oct 21, 2010

WHEN WE DIDN'T HAVE THE INTER-NET

Irene Klassen, Calgary, Alberta recently discovered this blog and the Mennonite Women Canada website. Following are Irene’s comments that remind us how technology has changed how we do certain aspects of communication now. She says:

I went to the website, (hadn't paid much attention to it earlier), and was really impressed! WOW! How Women in Mission (former name) has evolved! Several name changes, and styles of leadership, to going inter-net.

From the early days:
- When reports and literature was sent by snail mail.
- When Mrs Pauls was president here in Alberta, she would take advantage of the Menno Bible Institute events. (Mr Pauls was Principal of the Bible School) In the spring when parents came to pick up their children after School Closing, she would send Women in Mission information with the parents to hand deliver to all the local Women's groups at Pincher Creek, Rosemary, Tofield etc. and of course they would pass them along to the local women's president. In the fall when students arrived it was the same. Saved much on postage.

- When cc really meant carbon copy, and letters were laboriously carbon copied, even by hand. Then later came the Hectograph - that was when Frieda Peters was president.

- When meetings and minutes were in German.

- When long-distance phone calls were rare.

- When Missions meant supporting overseas missionaries.

- When women made knit and rolled bandages, and quilted at meetings. Women always had a pair of needles and a bandage in process in their purse.

- When a minister, male of course, was present to give the closing benediction, and often even the opening, at meetings.

- Women in Mission reports were just sent to the Alberta Conference to be included in the Report book. I think I was the first one to actually present the report at the conference, and after that it was taken for granted.

Ah well.... there I go ... pondering. Now I can follow everything that goes on in Mennonite Women Canada on the inter-net. Just go to www.

Irene Klassen
Calgary, Alberta

Jun 3, 2009

Learning to keep an open-mind

It happened again the other day. A very normal conversation turned into a conflict, complete with hurt feelings and raised voices, over a simple misunderstanding. My spouse and I were talking calmly... then suddenly we were fighting. Hours later, after sorting through all the mess, we realized we had made assumptions and had neglected to check what the other meant. Instead of keeping my mind open, listening, and welcoming him in the space he resided, I immediately responded defensively. At that point, I no longer had space within me to welcome him or his perspective. It took a lot of time and effort to reverse what happened so quickly!

What does it take to be "open-minded?" I am currently a student at the Center for Justice and Peacebuilding at Eastern Mennonite University. In classes and out, participants in this program talk about peace, conflict, reconciliation every day. While I listen to these conversations, it all seems to make sense. Just when I think I have opened my mind and can deal with any possible conflict constructively, though, something small arises and I cease to think.

In the article "The Role of Identity Reconstruction in Promoting Reconciliation" (Forgiveness and Reconciliation, Helmick & Petersen, ed., 2001), Donna Hicks writes about the process of human development as "increasing equilibrium" between our surroundings and our inner selves. When something disturbs this equilibrium, for example a traumatic experience, uncertainty or instability, or even just too many new things to take in all at once, our ability to learn shuts down and we freeze in a self-protective state. In "learning mode" we can be open to diverse perspectives, ideas, and experiences which may not exactly fit with our inner being. When this learning process stops, however, even the slightest differences appear threatening and a reason for defense.

I see this process at work in myself in my personal relationships. I also experience the difficulty this poses in work through conflict to a point of understanding and even transformation. Dialogue, at this point, plays a key role in creating a space for negotiating. According to Hicks, this negotiation does not simply mean trying to figure out a solution to the issues. At this stage in conflict, we negotiate "the conditions under which one would be willing to open oneself up to new information, information that could change not only one's existing beliefs about the other but of oneself as well."

Reading this, I feel a sense of reassurance. My close-mindedness may not be a fault of my own, but a natural process which has a purpose. Instead, if I can be aware of this shutting down in a conflict situation, I can give myself the appropriate space necessary to figure out what I need to be willing to open up again. I can let myself feel the natural emotions of defensiveness, but wait to act on them until I have appreciated that space.

It looks good in theory now. Can I remember when the learning switch shuts off?

I suppose marriage might be helpful in studying conflict transformation. I will always have many opportunities to practice!